Fall 2010 Primer: Zombie Pandemic Hints and Tips

When I started this blog back in December 2009, I said it would be educational and fun. Today we expand upon the latter.

It’s October, and that means a lot of things: the turning of the leaves, changing of the seasons, the World Series, brisk fall nights at the football field. For the medical community, it means fall allergies, the kickoff of cold and flu season, H1N1 concerns, and, last but not least, Zombies.

Zombies?

Yes, Zombies – that viral scourge of the medical community that often initially manifests due to some ill-advised scientific experiment gone wrong, leads to infection of a few key individuals, launches a worldwide pandemic (not unlike swine flu, except that the infected seek to eat your brain rather than chicken soup), and eventually wipes out all of humanity save a few fortunate (?) souls who end up spending their remaining days trying not to have their brains or other body parts munched by the virulent denizens of the zombie community.

Zombie Pandemic: Know the Facts

Of course, it’s critically important for you, the medical community, to fully understand the etiology, classic presentation, prevention, and treatment (or lack thereof) of full-blown zombification, and the potential medical, social, and societal ramifications of a zombie pandemic. To assist you in boning up on this critical aspect of your postgraduate education, I have highlighted some important scientific papers you should read:

Munz P, Hudea I, Imad J, et al. When zombies attack!: Mathematical modelling of an outbreak of zombie infection. In: Tchuenche JM, Chiyaka C, editors. Infectious disease modelling research progress. Hauppauge (NY): Nova Science Publishers; 2009. [(accessed 2010 Oct. 15)]. pp. 133–50. Available:

www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf

Smith?, R. A Report on the Zombie Outbreak of 2009: How Mathematics Can Save Us. CMAJ/JAMC 2009; 181(12): E297-E300.

 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2789162/

A Harvard Professor Explains Zombie Neurobiology.

Hint: it’s caused by Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome (ANSDS).

http://io9.com/5286145/a-harvard-psychiatrist-explains-zombie-neurobiology

Zombie Identification and Survival Strategies

Despite all of the mathematical modeling, it’s hypothesized that nothing can stop a full-blown zombie pandemic, and so surviving the plague with one’s brain intact is the best one can hope for. Here to help us with zombie identification and survival once again, are our friends from CommonCraft:

[Author’s Note: I have full assurances from the British Columbia Department of Civil Defense that the zombie outbreak mentioned in southwestern Canada will be completely under control by the time CHEST 2010 opens in Vancouver on October 30]

Now, some of your friends, family, and colleagues may find this whole Zombie Preparedness paranoia trivial, irrelevant, and even silly. Trust me, they’ll be the first ones eaten. Don’t listen to them. After all, even the Wall Street Journal understands the gravity of the potential zombie pandemic, prompting them to cover it in “What’s the Best Way to Fight Zombies? Someone Did the Math.”

http://blogs.wsj.com/health/2009/08/18/whats-the-best-way-to-fight-zombies-someone-did-the-math/

Zombies in the Literature

It’s also important to note that Zombies don’t just have the potential to infect the living world. In the past couple of years they have begun to manifest themselves in classic literature. Now you can read classic literary titles that have been rewritten to include zombie or similar horror sub-plots. For example:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now With Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!

http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

http://www.amazon.com/Abraham-Lincoln-Vampire-Seth-Grahame-Smith/dp/0446563080

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters

http://www.amazon.com/Sense-Sensibility-Monsters-Jane-Austen/dp/1594744424

Final Thoughts: 

So, this Halloween, be safe. Be prepared for the imminent zombie pandemic, and stock your zombie-proof shelter with good literature. If you are fortunate to have a battery powered TV and DVD player, you might want to latch onto a few classic zombie movies while you’re at it, just to be sure you have covered all your bases. Here is the boston.com list of the Top 20 Zombie Movies of All Time (a great list – my only beef with the list is that the original “Night of the Living Dead” is not the #1 pick – how can you dis the archetype?):

http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/gallery/bestzombiemovies/

Enjoy, and good luck to you. And your brain.

About the Author

Stephen Welch

Senior Vice President, Communications
Executive Editor, CHEST

This blog, "It Ain't Rocket Surgery" is intended to help busy health-care professionals find useful online and mobile resources that will enhance their self-education and professional research efforts, or point out important topics of discussion related to online information and content. The blog's title is a Yogi Berra style mash-up of two common phrases, "it ain't brain surgery" and "it ain't rocket science". I hope it will be casual, fun, insightful, and -- most of all -- educational.

You can follow me on Twitter. 

I currently serve ACCP as the Senior Vice President of Communications, as well as the Executive Editor of CHEST, the ACCP’s flagship journal. During my 15 years here, ACCP has focused on growing and developing the editorial, technological, and business aspects of the College. We are constantly striving to make the journal and other ACCP educational content as accessible and useful to clinicians as possible.

When not at work, I like to spend time scuba diving with sharks, collecting original comic book artwork, exploring the digital world, and searching for good BBQ.

Your feedback about the blog is always appreciated. So are tips on good BBQ joints.